what shall not be given a title.

i woke up this morning with so much hopes and interests. not that i know whatever that we wish for everyday, it might not come and please us. like today. but i hope that it will come later today. i feel so bad for my students because i am becoming less motivated day by day. i wish for more motivation and adrenaline from everything around me. and i really miss my friends. its been a while i didnt meet any of them. too busy with stuffs that i duno which one to look forward to. i have things that i regret everyday and things that i wish can explode them so that i dun have to see them in the future. like this one lady in my school. maybe i think too much about it. maybe i should let her go. bad energy and it is useless.kan?

looking forward to an observation by orang putih today n my time alone on bed tonight. mungkin kita memang perlu biasakan sikit2 keseorangan. feeling2 time prac.

di hatiku ada hatimu

I Carry Your Heart With Me
by EE Cummings.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

hati berbunga.

kau tahu hari itu akan jadi indah bila perkara pertama yang kau buat bila bangun ialah senyum.

kerispatih.

bila rasaku ini rasamu.

hanyut

Maafkanlah ku tak bisa hidup tanpa kamu
Fahamilah ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu
Bagaimana ku nanti
Bila tiada mengganti
Yang ku ada hanya kamu saja
Saat mata terpejam
Hanya kau ku terbayang
Menghapus semua segala rasa di jiwaku
Saat mata terbuka
Kamulah yang pertama
Tak mampu aku
Bayangkan
Hidup tanpa dirimu

these are my reasons to smile everyday.

mungkin bila mereka tiada, saya akan rasa nyawa saya hilang separuh.

go away. please.

1st, my baby buncho died.

2nd, i actually have gastric (wth?? kan??)

3rd, i cant go to the school camping trip.

4th, while some of my frens really enjoy travelling while working, i am stuck at skrp.

5th, cant go to singapore to shop.

6th, i desperately need to have extra time to finish my reading.

7th,i just need a good movie and dinner date.

8th, i wish i have sum1 who can listen to me now.

9th, i want the world to stop so that i can take a deep breath.

10th, i have LADAP to attend tomorrow.

sadness, depression.. please. go away, please.

*thanks to fared n abg raja sbb pickup syefah n angkutkan my car kat sekolah ketika diriku sakit seperti kene tikam dengan pedang samurai sebentar tadi.

i need a doctor.

I'm about to lose my mind

You've been gone for so long

I'm running out of time

I need a doctor

Call me a doctor

I need a doctor, doctor

To bring me back to life

baru sebentar tiada, tetapi kehilangannya terasa.

buncho.

i had a terrible start at school yesterday. my kids played with lizard during the period before me and when i came in, they accidently threw a lizard on me and i caught them stored tons of lizards in their water bottle. when i asked, they have been looking for lizards for few hours dat day around the school because previous teachers were not there. i gt so stressed. i almost faint because i had a super carefree 2 weeks and now, im here in the class, with lizard-loving-kids.

one of my kittens died today. i am indeed super sad because i feel so attached to them as i was there with them, everyday, in fact, since they were born. but, i guess, some things in ur life, has to go. n dis time, its my cutest kitten, buncho. no wonder he is super cute compared to his siblings.

we had dis sukaneka thingy at this school and today is the rehearsal. so, i was at the field , literally from 2.40 till 6.30. i was in charged of one of the stations. to tell u the truth, although it is super hot and my skin was burning to the max ( i had prepare sum good precautions, sun block n shade), i had fun. super fun. great activity, awesome company.maybe because i dun have to face the kids in the class, which they dun even bother to learn sumting new. ok. maybe not all. bad teacher, i am. i know. but, i have to say, im very amused on how the male teachers can actually control the kids. yeah, they scolded the kids and treat them harshly, but, i can see that the kids adore them and tak amik hati langsung. seriously, if i am the student, i would cry because sumtimes, it is super harsh. then again, if it works, then, dats the reason y i cant control my students easily. i can, but i have to give 1000 more effort than the male teachers.

taught my kids about manners yesterday. solely about manners. 'thank you, and sorry, teacher.'

200th post

the first thing on my mind this morning.

current addiction - cant get enough of it.

my chipsmore.

my heart skips a beat.

perasaan hati membuak2 kerana apa yang di alami. Pilu, hiba, simpati, gembira, semuanya dapat dirasai. mungkin itu apa yang saya patut turuti. mencari identiti dan keaslian kepada perasaan saya sendiri. bila sesuatu terjadi, dimanakah diletakkan paksi untuk saya terus menyandarkan emosi?

"teacher, sorry tak datang semalam."

"dia pergi mahkamah syariah, teacher."

"maksud awak?"

"saya tak nak bagitaulah teacher. macam jaga tepi kain orang pulak. suruh dia sendiri bgtaulah"

sambil menghulurkan kertas,

"tulis, saya nak tahu. tak perlu berbincang pasal tu kalau awak tak nak"

bila saya lihat apa yang tertulis, lidah saya kelu. terdiam sebentar.

mak dan ayah saya nak bercerai.

"awak ok?"

"saya ok. tapi, saya tak suka mak saya. dia jahat"

rentak degupan jantung saya tersasar seketika.

boredom.

when the boredom strucks u very hard, u feel like sumting is wrong in ur life. there must be sumting to do. yeah, at 7.30, not now. it feels weird because when u have lotsa stuff to do, u wish that the time stops and u dun have anything to do. just lazying around. but when u have lotsa that moments, like now, u barely do anything, hence ; u wish u have sumting to do.

i guess thats life. u just cant get enough of anything u have.

sunshine.

ive been grounded for two days. yes. perintah berkurung. thanks mama for the arahan .i didnt go out from my house n im quite surprised i managed to go through that without bribing my aunty. maybe its my emotional state contributes to that. i felt so uncomfortable n my anger fills my heart, my thoughts , everything. n yes, i decided to just lie down on bed n sleep. dats what i did the whole day yesterday, on bed n sleep. when i suddenly wke up, i will force myself to sleep again. dats how terrible my holiday is yesterday.

sum things in life u just cant handle it. especially, when it comes to other people's action which u wish u can shout at them n said 'come on man, are u for real?' seriously. people dun say stuff, n half of the way, they suddenly gone. even friends dun do that. nak cakap, cakap. kalau tak nak cakap, jangan cakap. u stand for what u believe and go for it. but then again, its people, kan? (while doing this gaya.)

so, today, i decided to do anything that i can do. so, heres the list:

-go swimming

-2 movies in a row

-go to bookxcess

-lunch and dinner outside

-eat pancake (buttermilk)

-buy a new shoe and handbag

-badminton session with lilyn n abglong

-lepak with fared

-visit nad n sidek

gambate!!!!

tutup telefon.

AAAAAArrrggghhh!!!!!!!!

bila kau buat macam ni, kau masih mampu panggil diri kau lelaki?

paham tak?

"kalau saya boleh transform jadi justin saya jadi dah. who can give u support, adrenaline and motivation"

paham tak betapa pentingnya justin timberlake dalam hidup saya

dan betapa susahnya kehidupan sekarang?

the zebra and owl

Oh, I know that I am here

and you are there

but we still have our love.

drama.drama.drama.

i love you more than u'll ever know

tolong khabarkan pada saya sekiranya weekend anda lebih drama, gila dan manis daripada apa yang saya rasa.

terima kasih kepada semua kerana telah menyumbang kepada keseronokan dan kehuru-haraan dalam hidup saya. terima kasih kepada semua yang menghebatkan lagi upacara birthday nad di rumahnya terutama nad (birthday girl - 3 june aka makcik dah tua tak sedar diri new york), faeizan kassim (nad's bf aka prison break's michael scofield), abg lan (nad's bro aka zac efron), sidek alias (effortless beauty queen). anda semua jantung hati saya kerana telah memberikan sinar cahaya kegembiraan dan kegilaan untuk saya tidak terus sedih dan berserah dengan hidup. terima kasih juga kepada mr. R kerana meluangkan masa dan layan saya merepek. saya belajar banyak tentang kehidupan bila kita bertukar pendapat. terima kasih juga kepada insan2 yang lain kerana membawa drama2 baru kepada hidup saya dan mak nadia kerana mempercayai saya untuk membalut hadiah dan saya telah memecahkannya. terima kasih makcik kerana memberi kepercayaan itu walaupun benda tu dah berderai. terima kasih fared untuk baju kebaya. terima kasih Macdonald dan kedai2 makanan yang lain kerana menyediakan menu2 yang memberikan tahap2 di awang2an (bak kata kami, 'orgasmic'). terima kasih juga kepada pakcik yang menolong saya dengan kereta saya pada malam semalam.

berterima kasih kepada tuhan kerana memberikan saya peluang untuk merasai semua ini. semoga perjalanan hidup saya dimudahkan dan dirahmatiNya.

*happy birthday, Nad. sayang kau sangat. kaulah hidup aku, hati aku dan jiwa aku. semoga semua pekerjaan kau mendapat berkat dariNya.