paham tak?

"kalau saya boleh transform jadi justin saya jadi dah. who can give u support, adrenaline and motivation"

paham tak betapa pentingnya justin timberlake dalam hidup saya

dan betapa susahnya kehidupan sekarang?

kereta berlubang.

langgar lari oleh makcik pakai tudung labuh hitam tak pakai helmet n takde plat nombor kat motor dia, menyebabkan kereta saya calar dan berlubang di bumper belakang.

tempat kejadian: di hadapan SK Rantau Panjang (kwsn kampung)

masa: 12.40 ish.

suspek: makcik pakai tudung labuh warna hitam tak pakai helmet

kenderaan suspek : honda cup lama yang takde no plat

saksi : ramai org nak mati jerit2 suapaya makcik tu berhenti tapi tak berhenti.

kecederaan : saya tiada kecederaan, tetapi, kereta saya calar dan berlubang. makcik tu jatuh dan terus bangun lari.

sebab: tak tahu. kereta saya berhenti dekat simpang jalan untuk memberi laluan kepada org dari sebelah kiri melintas dan saya terdengar bunyi kuat org melanggar saya dari belakang.

tindakan : berdoa agar tuhan membalas perbuatan makcik tu - kalau takde duit nak bayar atau takde lesen motor, stop jelah cakap sorry. ni terus lari.

org ramai tanya ' cikgu, macamana ni?'

saya jawab "takde rezeki. nak buat macam mana"

strive for victory shun defeat!

it was my observation yesterday with CHELSEA ( an american lady, she is a sweet, lively and has the coolest fashion for all the orang putih that came to malaysia). it was for my 30 mins class, n the class is the last class (from 14 classes n they cant read and hardly know the letters). this observation is for the KSSR program for all the Year 1 teacher, but being an 'excellent' school, sk rantau panjang sent all Tahap 1 teacher for this course which require us to do 72 hours workshop with the orang putih every fortnight and we will be observed every month for 3 YEARS. yes 3 Fucking YEARS. yes, people, if u think that observation will be over when prac is over, u r wrong, in fact u r dead wrong because it will last for 3 more years.congratulations to me.

it was a good lesson, everything went as planned . the kids are in good behaviour since ive launched the behaviour stickers for every group ( they will like seriously maki their friends if one of tehm screwed up and their stickers gt crossed out) except for the missing tables n chairs and one of my students' shoe is on the school roof. he asked me to get it, but i said 'siapa suruh kamu main baling2 kasut. sekarang, saya nak mengajar, kamu duduk, biar je kasut sebelah je, nanti saya bagitau en.reedza lepas kelas saya' n the kids ketawa, n my class went on like it normally did - like how i taught during prac. i have set 5 steps ( set induction, presentation, practice, production n closure) and i also prepared teaching aids ( or BBM, in my school 'teaching aids tu apa, ye, pah? bbm tu akak tahu la') and my own task sheet as my students are super weak.

one of the reason why i think malaysian government is making a pening decision to take an american for this program at first is they couldnt understand my translation. what do u want me to do? the kids are having problems with bm, n u want me to talk in english the whole time? what i did was, ill explain n give instructions in english, but i will explain to them the hard words in malay or using gestures. after my lesson, she actually mentioned that she understands that it is hard for her to penalize me for using translation because the kids are super weak ( 'teacher, number five tu apa? ') but she said that when im describing in malay, SHE COULDNT UNDERSTAND IT. so, now, is iot my fault that she didnt understand me? after all it is an ESL class, u should know that a relevant use of their mother tongue will help them in learning second language. and i did that because i want them to understand. whats the use of teaching , if they cant understand? come on, my students came from a low or super low social economic background, sum of them never been in a car before. so, yeah. as one of my colleague said, ' pah, sekarang, ko ajar pulak si chelsea tu bm'. do u get what i mean? because government r giving them rm 17000 ( tujuh belas ribu ringgit), a bungalow, a car and a phone which the bill will be paid for the government. yes, i just think that u can actually pay that to a senior teacher which has more experience in ESL classroom n they can understand BM so that they knoe we r just trying to help the kids understand.

shes a nice lady with that hippies look and dressing. although she did her degree in performing arts, she said she has read a lot on ESL classroom n has been teaching ESL in thailand for 3 years. she gave good and relevant feedback ( thanks to my practicum experience) and she actually mentioned that 'it is a good thing that the weak classes has a teacher like u, able to use english like it supposed to be, and do all this teaching aids for them because most of the teachers who teach rural schools like this school, they just gave up because they dun know the technique and they just dun care'

'sekarang, chelsea, ko faham tak, aku pun takla suka sangat ,mengajar kelas2 belakang ni sbb aku tak boleh guna english macam aku nak guna sbb derang mmg tak paham, n aku memang sedih, tapi, dah aku kat sini, jadi cikgu, baik aku buat yang terbaik sbb aku dibayar untuk mengajar dan aku patut mengajar mereka seperti apa yang mereka patut dapat. lagipun, bukanla susah sangat pun nak buat tu semua .. ni bukan buat roket sains.. kalau ko kumpul semua budak ipba cohort 4 n ko observe diorang, memang terbeliak mata ko. sbb mengajar kena macam tu. baguslah kalau ko dapat kelas bagus, kurang benda2 yang melukis2 sangat ni, tapi, dah kalau ko mengajar kelas tak pandai. ko kenalah bawak gambar ke apa ke sbb derang nak tgk supaya derang paham. contohnya, kalau ko mengjara pasal ikan, ko nak cakap seahorse ko nak buat gaya apa, kalau ko takde gambar? gaya ikan campur kuda?'

that is what i wanted to tell her, but i didnt. i just diam because she doesnt understand bm n we r surrounded by other teachers.

cumanya, kerajaan malaysia tak payahla nak rasa yang orang putih tu lagi superior, so, semua benda ko nak amik diorang, sbb benda macam ni, banyak je cikgu2 senior yang power nak ajar budak kita. lagipun ni ESL, bukannya budak kita penutur english yang tegar.membazir. kalau amik cikgu malaysia, bayar rm10000 (sepuluh ribu ringgit je) pun dah cukup, tak payah rm17000, tak payah keta, tak payah bungalow n bil telepon. jimat. inflasilah katakan.

aku mahu kau.

bila keadaan jadi buntu begini, aku mahu kau.
bila hati jadi sepi begini, aku mahu kau

bila dunia rasa bisa begini, aku mahu kau

bila lagu jadi kaku begini, aku mahu kau

bila emosi jadi besi begini, aku mahu kau.

aku mahu kau [azlil shah, kawan2 yang terbaik,chai latte yang hebat, sofa yang selesa,movie yang mantap dan lagu tema yang mempersona]

di hujung sini.

begini rasanya hari minggu tanpa sesiapa untuk berkongsi ria.

*terduduk jauh di hujung sini.

how could an angel breaks my heart?

i was shocked. i didnt see it coming. maybe because i think everyone will be true to themself all the time and will work hard with whatever that they have. then only i realised that not everything will go as planned although we have tried our best because love is all about bringing two souls together. i know this feeling sucks n sum people think it is stupid to have one-sided love, but i am not ready to let it go yet. 5 years, too precious. but i will let Allah decide whats best for me (n working hard at the same time to get back my other half). because i believe He knows best and will reward those who work hard.

n yeah, i deactivated my facebook because i think it will only let me be more miserable at this point of my life. i wish to be alone and do what i do best.

*u can get through me by sending sms, ringing me or just drop a comment here.

its like what they said, when reality came knocking u out, u will be in grief , only this one, harder.

wonderful life

Life is not that easy, syefa.

I have been almost the same situation like you years ago.

So, I pretty much understand how do you feel now.

Don't worry. Things would be definitely find.

Just keep yourself strong and faith on you.

and remember, you got friends hold your back.

liz gilbert moment.

it is hard when u really love sum1 n the other person suddenly having the liz gilbert moment. n yeah, when i was reading n watching the eat, pray,love by liz, i never imagine how the story can actually came true in real life. i felt pity for her husband. but then again, i always look up for sum1 who works hard to have a better understanding of their own self.

now, i think, in real life, it is harder and tougher for the husband. the fact that he suddenly knew that his wife is having no feeling for him. no love, nolust, no nothing. in a second, everything that he thought he always had, gone. it sucks to be him at that time because he didnt do anything. he is not at fault. but, when watching the movie;

'yelah, tapi kan liz nak carik diri sendiri. kenalah bagi chance',

'memangla kesian kat husband dia, tapi, nak buat macamana dah kalau liz dah tak rasa'

n so on.

it just feel that if u have a good intention, whatever bad things dat u do to other people is ok, because u r doing the right thing - looking for ur own self. like what they said, niat menghalalkan cara.

its always nicer when u r on the other side of every place. always. tapi bila kena batang hidung sendiri, baru tahu langit tinggi rendah. what is left, harapan . itu saja.

indah.

duniaku, syurgaku.

' aku harap kau faham.
aku tak terima dia sebab aku sendiri atau kesian,
tp sebab aku nak
dan aku rasa kitrg boleh usaha untuk perbaiki
dan dia sayang aku sangat sampai sekarang.
Jangan marah sebab kau tahu kau penting bagi aku.
aku tahu kau akan faham sebab kau sayang dekat aku
dan kau nak yang terbaik untuk aku. :)'

a bright day ahead.

u know, i dun like to marah2 people like last few days. i normally tend to ignore those kinda stuff because i know it is just a waste of time, but, when im angry, maksudnya, it really bothers me.

but, i wana stop dat thing from bugging me. its ramadhan for God sake. i only wish that karma will get to her. like wat nisah said, what goes around, comes around.

this morning, i started my day with bismillah. after subuh prayer, i recite the quran. i started the day today with a smile.

i hope it will keep that way until any bisaness comes again.

a picture taken last raya.

tuhan.

ya Allah,

please take his life,
for it brings happiness to humankind.