ren.

i have a student. a form five student who i teach English every week. last night, he opened up to me asking me to help him solve his love problems.

i used to be him the last time i remember. but now, im helping my student to solve his love problem. i actually used a paper, and a pencil to help us went through the session because he loves to draw and he finds it difficult to start. he drew the problems, people involved ; i find the whole session, super cute and we managed to come out with few suggestions and solutions.we kinda did a mind map, if he choose that one particular choice, this is what hes gona get. good thing is, i gave him options.

i feel like i am katherine heigl in 27 dresses. dok menyibuk tolong org bercinta, but myself.. hm...

and my student has an imaginary friend, named Ren who tells him what to do, and share ideas and opinions all the time. yeah, i wana laugh at first, but when he told me how real and true his imaginary friend is, i kinda , u know, blend in.

oh, i feel so old.

my heart skips a beat.

perasaan hati membuak2 kerana apa yang di alami. Pilu, hiba, simpati, gembira, semuanya dapat dirasai. mungkin itu apa yang saya patut turuti. mencari identiti dan keaslian kepada perasaan saya sendiri. bila sesuatu terjadi, dimanakah diletakkan paksi untuk saya terus menyandarkan emosi?

"teacher, sorry tak datang semalam."

"dia pergi mahkamah syariah, teacher."

"maksud awak?"

"saya tak nak bagitaulah teacher. macam jaga tepi kain orang pulak. suruh dia sendiri bgtaulah"

sambil menghulurkan kertas,

"tulis, saya nak tahu. tak perlu berbincang pasal tu kalau awak tak nak"

bila saya lihat apa yang tertulis, lidah saya kelu. terdiam sebentar.

mak dan ayah saya nak bercerai.

"awak ok?"

"saya ok. tapi, saya tak suka mak saya. dia jahat"

rentak degupan jantung saya tersasar seketika.

i wanna eat pussy.

yes, dats what my year 3 boy said when i gt into his class. its not for me, i know. but .. wait3. since it is from my school, obviously its not in english, which makes things worse.

'SAYA NAK MAKAN PEPEK'

i was so disturbed by that statement especially the last word that i spent 10 minutes scolded the boy n the whole class. i gave them revision sheets and i went out my class. i went to staffroom n tried to talk the problem out (one of them is the school counsellor) with some senior teachers who were in there n this is what they said:

'PAH, BIAR JELAH. DERANG MEMANG BIASA MACAM TU. NAK BUAT MACAMANA? KALAU SUSAH, NEXT YEAR, PAH MINTAK JE TUKAR AJAR DARJAH SATU KE'

nak buat macamana? what the? if u cant do anything, so, u just let it be? then, how would the kids know which one is good and which one is wrong? n how would they know that was a serious thing. i went to my car, locked myself in it n i cried.

i got so disturbed by the word (maybe because a year 3 kid said that. he is too young to know that kinda word and behaviour). n i cried because no one bothers to do something to that kinda kid. so, we just let them be? dont u think its very immoral if u see sum1 does sumting bad (which i believe its going to be worst later) n u just let it be? how about ur moral code? their moral code?

some said i got so over reacted by this incident. but if only u knw how disturbed u can be by the word and the thought that u will be teaching in that kinda environment for i duno how many years.

'No man can be a good teacher unless he has feelings of warm affection toward his pupils and a genuine desire to impart to them what he himself believes to be of value. '

Bertrand Russell