ringing.NOT.

working my ass out to generate a test paper for the next test. i think im a bit bias because i tried to look for questions that will not burden my students that much. note: my students r from the last 4 classes out of 14 classes. i guess the good students will get superb result unless they didnt know what a 'clown' is too because none of my students (160 of them) know what a clown is. yes, its true.

its funny because u often get headache when u r trying to teach them in class because not all will pay their attention n interest to u after u have worked so hard preparing your teaching materials. u still are worry about their performance. hmm. some of them will actually be super overjoyed if they can go out from ur class during english because they could not even bothered to learn anything at school - they will not bring any books that is related to your subject and they think that english will eternally be foreign to them.

i guess parents n their surroundings play a very important role to the kids. due to the fact that they did not realize how important english in their life, they jus dun care . they jus dun care. at all. in fact, not only english, almost all the subjects.

i know they are improving. n im thankful for that. but, lately, i think im loosing the grip.

i just need to tighten it up a bit.

i wanna eat pussy.

yes, dats what my year 3 boy said when i gt into his class. its not for me, i know. but .. wait3. since it is from my school, obviously its not in english, which makes things worse.

'SAYA NAK MAKAN PEPEK'

i was so disturbed by that statement especially the last word that i spent 10 minutes scolded the boy n the whole class. i gave them revision sheets and i went out my class. i went to staffroom n tried to talk the problem out (one of them is the school counsellor) with some senior teachers who were in there n this is what they said:

'PAH, BIAR JELAH. DERANG MEMANG BIASA MACAM TU. NAK BUAT MACAMANA? KALAU SUSAH, NEXT YEAR, PAH MINTAK JE TUKAR AJAR DARJAH SATU KE'

nak buat macamana? what the? if u cant do anything, so, u just let it be? then, how would the kids know which one is good and which one is wrong? n how would they know that was a serious thing. i went to my car, locked myself in it n i cried.

i got so disturbed by the word (maybe because a year 3 kid said that. he is too young to know that kinda word and behaviour). n i cried because no one bothers to do something to that kinda kid. so, we just let them be? dont u think its very immoral if u see sum1 does sumting bad (which i believe its going to be worst later) n u just let it be? how about ur moral code? their moral code?

some said i got so over reacted by this incident. but if only u knw how disturbed u can be by the word and the thought that u will be teaching in that kinda environment for i duno how many years.

'No man can be a good teacher unless he has feelings of warm affection toward his pupils and a genuine desire to impart to them what he himself believes to be of value. '

Bertrand Russell

of malu2 and bbq

so, i had fun yesterday.

me and my family members (literally 20-30 of us), did a bbq last nite yang tak expect. my cousins went to sabak bernam ( one of my cousin's wife punya place) to look for kerang and mantarang.and they came back after maghrib with 2 guni of kerang and mantarang. when they told us about doing the bbq at that moment, my sis prepared laksa sarawak, bubur kacang and of course mama will help to prepare the air asam n drinks. me and abglong went to look for sweet corn and we managed to buy 30 tongkols for rm24. pretty expensive but dats what we can get after that we know cik hambali is not doing well with his business ( cik hambali is a popular corn seller in klang). the guys prepared the arang. we ate until perut nak pecah while sum of us take turns to kopek the 2 guni kerang. dah malam, but still tak siap2 kopek, we sambung kopek the kerang in my house sambil tgk 'Sini Ada Hantu' dekat astro first (astro first ke?). penat, tangan kecut and gatal because kopek banyak sangat kerang, but we had fun.


after my tuition yesterday morning, me and my students ( 4 of them) went to jusco bukit tinggi to have lunch and watch movie. they are form 3 students and one of them is year 6 because dia ikut kakak dia. huhu. they are rich kids, its just they rarely go out with friends. so, i took this opportunity to bring them out before their test week this week. we had lunch at pizza hut (typical budak2 sekolah imagining pizza hut is the best food ever). we cracked jokes as its a super weird combo ( budak sekolah agama guy, cool-factor guy and budak sekolah agama yang dah masuk sekolah biasa. u know, when u were in school, u malu2 talk to each other and rasa ur sex is the superior one? yeah, dats what happens. they actually bergaduh saying they are better than the other one. the guys actually tutup mata when they lalu lingerie shop. dats super funny man. n when we watched i am number four, they giggled when it was the kissing scene. ahh.. the naive thingy. huhu. it reminds me when im still in school and malu2 when we have to talk or watch those stuff infront of the opposite sex. but, now, not anymore. huhu. takde perasaan. we had fun, and kenyang. should do it more often.



moment of tergamam of the week.

hidayah: cikgu, aksesori apa yang paling cikgu banyak ada?
me: mostly handbagsla. saya suka handbags. awak?
hidayah: klip rambut. yang comel2 tu.
me: owh. huhu. dah lama tak pakai klip rambut. ni aqilah?
aqilah: macam kakak.
me: ish.. semua nak sama.awak, aizat?
aizat: gadgetsla cikgu. game ke brg2 computer ke.
me: huhu. lelaki, kan?
hamzi: tak jugak cikgu. saya suka kumpul kopiah. saya ada 20 kopiah kat rumah ( sambil membetulkan kopiahnya)

bak kata nadia, able? macam those full cap yang justin bieber pakai, but different. kopiah. huhu.

strive for victory shun defeat!

it was my observation yesterday with CHELSEA ( an american lady, she is a sweet, lively and has the coolest fashion for all the orang putih that came to malaysia). it was for my 30 mins class, n the class is the last class (from 14 classes n they cant read and hardly know the letters). this observation is for the KSSR program for all the Year 1 teacher, but being an 'excellent' school, sk rantau panjang sent all Tahap 1 teacher for this course which require us to do 72 hours workshop with the orang putih every fortnight and we will be observed every month for 3 YEARS. yes 3 Fucking YEARS. yes, people, if u think that observation will be over when prac is over, u r wrong, in fact u r dead wrong because it will last for 3 more years.congratulations to me.

it was a good lesson, everything went as planned . the kids are in good behaviour since ive launched the behaviour stickers for every group ( they will like seriously maki their friends if one of tehm screwed up and their stickers gt crossed out) except for the missing tables n chairs and one of my students' shoe is on the school roof. he asked me to get it, but i said 'siapa suruh kamu main baling2 kasut. sekarang, saya nak mengajar, kamu duduk, biar je kasut sebelah je, nanti saya bagitau en.reedza lepas kelas saya' n the kids ketawa, n my class went on like it normally did - like how i taught during prac. i have set 5 steps ( set induction, presentation, practice, production n closure) and i also prepared teaching aids ( or BBM, in my school 'teaching aids tu apa, ye, pah? bbm tu akak tahu la') and my own task sheet as my students are super weak.

one of the reason why i think malaysian government is making a pening decision to take an american for this program at first is they couldnt understand my translation. what do u want me to do? the kids are having problems with bm, n u want me to talk in english the whole time? what i did was, ill explain n give instructions in english, but i will explain to them the hard words in malay or using gestures. after my lesson, she actually mentioned that she understands that it is hard for her to penalize me for using translation because the kids are super weak ( 'teacher, number five tu apa? ') but she said that when im describing in malay, SHE COULDNT UNDERSTAND IT. so, now, is iot my fault that she didnt understand me? after all it is an ESL class, u should know that a relevant use of their mother tongue will help them in learning second language. and i did that because i want them to understand. whats the use of teaching , if they cant understand? come on, my students came from a low or super low social economic background, sum of them never been in a car before. so, yeah. as one of my colleague said, ' pah, sekarang, ko ajar pulak si chelsea tu bm'. do u get what i mean? because government r giving them rm 17000 ( tujuh belas ribu ringgit), a bungalow, a car and a phone which the bill will be paid for the government. yes, i just think that u can actually pay that to a senior teacher which has more experience in ESL classroom n they can understand BM so that they knoe we r just trying to help the kids understand.

shes a nice lady with that hippies look and dressing. although she did her degree in performing arts, she said she has read a lot on ESL classroom n has been teaching ESL in thailand for 3 years. she gave good and relevant feedback ( thanks to my practicum experience) and she actually mentioned that 'it is a good thing that the weak classes has a teacher like u, able to use english like it supposed to be, and do all this teaching aids for them because most of the teachers who teach rural schools like this school, they just gave up because they dun know the technique and they just dun care'

'sekarang, chelsea, ko faham tak, aku pun takla suka sangat ,mengajar kelas2 belakang ni sbb aku tak boleh guna english macam aku nak guna sbb derang mmg tak paham, n aku memang sedih, tapi, dah aku kat sini, jadi cikgu, baik aku buat yang terbaik sbb aku dibayar untuk mengajar dan aku patut mengajar mereka seperti apa yang mereka patut dapat. lagipun, bukanla susah sangat pun nak buat tu semua .. ni bukan buat roket sains.. kalau ko kumpul semua budak ipba cohort 4 n ko observe diorang, memang terbeliak mata ko. sbb mengajar kena macam tu. baguslah kalau ko dapat kelas bagus, kurang benda2 yang melukis2 sangat ni, tapi, dah kalau ko mengajar kelas tak pandai. ko kenalah bawak gambar ke apa ke sbb derang nak tgk supaya derang paham. contohnya, kalau ko mengjara pasal ikan, ko nak cakap seahorse ko nak buat gaya apa, kalau ko takde gambar? gaya ikan campur kuda?'

that is what i wanted to tell her, but i didnt. i just diam because she doesnt understand bm n we r surrounded by other teachers.

cumanya, kerajaan malaysia tak payahla nak rasa yang orang putih tu lagi superior, so, semua benda ko nak amik diorang, sbb benda macam ni, banyak je cikgu2 senior yang power nak ajar budak kita. lagipun ni ESL, bukannya budak kita penutur english yang tegar.membazir. kalau amik cikgu malaysia, bayar rm10000 (sepuluh ribu ringgit je) pun dah cukup, tak payah rm17000, tak payah keta, tak payah bungalow n bil telepon. jimat. inflasilah katakan.

across the borders.

Educationally: - they try to get us back into the malaysian education system (which is good) but, the fact that we have learned in better environment (e.g , where our creativity is much appreciated), i, think we didnt really get the best learning experience. especially when we have to always follow what the lecturers want, not what we want.they treated us like kids. most importantly, i think the subjects are pretty much redundant, most lecturers will be talking about the same thing. i find that it is much more busy and more work here (i dont mind if i have lots of work, but i enjoy doing it.the thing is - i dont.)

Culturally: its good to be back at malaysia where we can apply what we have learned in australia. the good things that the australians do (e.g - lining up for your turn, bring reusable bag, walk more), and share it with people here. and its good to be back at malaysia, where my heart is.

Socially:my experience in australia has taught me a whole lot about my social life. i really enjoy meeting people and share our life experiences. especially when i can practice my english with them. i think, its pretty hard to do it here at ipba because of the 'hostel' environment where we have curfew and we cant bring friends into ipba. because of the workloads, i think most people will end up spending time with ipba people.

Psychologically: if i can ask something that will make me happy, i will ask to do my 4th year in QUT.thats it. especially the study part, i can almost feel demotivated to teach and being a teacher, or more accurately, be in the system. i always feel good when im at qut. its not about the grades, its about how the lecturers treated you, respect you and letting you experience the world like how you should do. the rules in ipba is really annoying. we had to do community service for a week because we did not attend an assembly , but have they ever thought of why we didnt go? and when i was helping danial as his assistant for international week, out of sudden, there is this lecturer told us that he , and most of ipba people doesnt like us and think that we are too outspoken and forgetting malaysian culture (why in the world they send us overseas, and not letting we improving ourselves and still be the same person that we use to be??). the funny thing is, we normally volunteered ourselves to help ipba organising things.if u ask my opinion, for the sake of future generation, let the students do their last year in qut, or dont send them overseas at all.or else, they will experience the same thing what most of us did - demotivated.

Physically: ipba. not the best environment for learning, i know. but at least they can help improving it. but they didnt. we have to wait for few months until the lcd projector in our lecture hall can work normally (that is after we wrote a petition straight to our director, asking him to fix the problem). and ipba hostels, you saw it. nothing to mention here. a picture speaks a thousand words.

Economically?: we are ok and more secure in this because our parents are here. although we are not allowed to work, i think it is ok if you live a normal life. i dont think we are able to work with such workloads in ipba.

p/s : when i say when they try to get us back in the system, and i wrote which is good, i dun mean the system, but the fact that everyone needs to get back to their root to reflect who they are.

aktiviti ketika cuti

selain pergi melancong bersama family, perkara yang saya lakukan di rumah:

- tgk world cup. tiap2 hari.
-memasak di rumah.
-main wii+guitar hero bersama teman2 gembira
-pergi ke sekolah lama dan mengajar masak
-menjaga dan bermain dengan 5 kucing seperti anak sendiri
-menjadi driver untuk mama
-menulis, melukis untuk aktiviti refleksi
-menonton tv series.

rasa malas nak mengajar ;P

teaching materials.