ramadhan.

Beberapa hari tak dpt tidur dgn betul. Ada je kerja. Sumpah penat. Rasa macam buruh kasar baru balik dr kerja dekat lombong bijih timah. Nasib baik esok dah start puasa. Boleh ada lbh banyak masa untuk diri sendiri dan tuhan.

Salam ramadhan semua.

Semoga kita semua lebih dekat padanya, insyaAllah.

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ringing.NOT.

working my ass out to generate a test paper for the next test. i think im a bit bias because i tried to look for questions that will not burden my students that much. note: my students r from the last 4 classes out of 14 classes. i guess the good students will get superb result unless they didnt know what a 'clown' is too because none of my students (160 of them) know what a clown is. yes, its true.

its funny because u often get headache when u r trying to teach them in class because not all will pay their attention n interest to u after u have worked so hard preparing your teaching materials. u still are worry about their performance. hmm. some of them will actually be super overjoyed if they can go out from ur class during english because they could not even bothered to learn anything at school - they will not bring any books that is related to your subject and they think that english will eternally be foreign to them.

i guess parents n their surroundings play a very important role to the kids. due to the fact that they did not realize how important english in their life, they jus dun care . they jus dun care. at all. in fact, not only english, almost all the subjects.

i know they are improving. n im thankful for that. but, lately, i think im loosing the grip.

i just need to tighten it up a bit.

betulkan saya.

bila kau mencuba yang terbaik, tetapi kau tetap gagal
bila kau dapat apa yang kau mahukan, tetapi bukan apa yang kau perlukan
bila kau tidur sepanjang hari tetapi kau masih tidak mahu berhenti
terperangkap dalam putaran
bila air mata mengalir tanpa henti
bila kau hilang sesuatu yang tiada berganti
bila kau sukakan seseorang tetapi tiada akhirnya nanti
bolehkah menjadi lebih teruk dari ini?


diam.tidur.hilang.

life and everything surrounds it.

i had the biggest slap in my whole life last night until to the extend which i dun want to be in this life anymore. yeah. for a while. i wish that i can just disappear if whatever i said, means nothing especially to the ones i love the most - my family.

it breaks my heart when u always be good to people, yet, people make stories about u. bad ones. not the good ones. n u will be wondering.. my goodness, if this is what they give u back when u r always being nice to u, imagine if u treat them like shit, they will surely give u hell, man. furthermore, it came from the environment that u hate the most - ur school. n somehow it arrived at my dad's ear n the whole family.

maybe its important to think about the truth or the other side of the story. maybe whatever people told u, it is not necessarily good. but, u chose to listen to them rather than listening to ur own blood. dat hurts. a lot.

i just need my old rainbow back. that shines brightly on the skies . that gives me reason to smile. every single day. never fails.

what shall not be given a title.

i woke up this morning with so much hopes and interests. not that i know whatever that we wish for everyday, it might not come and please us. like today. but i hope that it will come later today. i feel so bad for my students because i am becoming less motivated day by day. i wish for more motivation and adrenaline from everything around me. and i really miss my friends. its been a while i didnt meet any of them. too busy with stuffs that i duno which one to look forward to. i have things that i regret everyday and things that i wish can explode them so that i dun have to see them in the future. like this one lady in my school. maybe i think too much about it. maybe i should let her go. bad energy and it is useless.kan?

looking forward to an observation by orang putih today n my time alone on bed tonight. mungkin kita memang perlu biasakan sikit2 keseorangan. feeling2 time prac.

go away. please.

1st, my baby buncho died.

2nd, i actually have gastric (wth?? kan??)

3rd, i cant go to the school camping trip.

4th, while some of my frens really enjoy travelling while working, i am stuck at skrp.

5th, cant go to singapore to shop.

6th, i desperately need to have extra time to finish my reading.

7th,i just need a good movie and dinner date.

8th, i wish i have sum1 who can listen to me now.

9th, i want the world to stop so that i can take a deep breath.

10th, i have LADAP to attend tomorrow.

sadness, depression.. please. go away, please.

*thanks to fared n abg raja sbb pickup syefah n angkutkan my car kat sekolah ketika diriku sakit seperti kene tikam dengan pedang samurai sebentar tadi.

buncho.

i had a terrible start at school yesterday. my kids played with lizard during the period before me and when i came in, they accidently threw a lizard on me and i caught them stored tons of lizards in their water bottle. when i asked, they have been looking for lizards for few hours dat day around the school because previous teachers were not there. i gt so stressed. i almost faint because i had a super carefree 2 weeks and now, im here in the class, with lizard-loving-kids.

one of my kittens died today. i am indeed super sad because i feel so attached to them as i was there with them, everyday, in fact, since they were born. but, i guess, some things in ur life, has to go. n dis time, its my cutest kitten, buncho. no wonder he is super cute compared to his siblings.

we had dis sukaneka thingy at this school and today is the rehearsal. so, i was at the field , literally from 2.40 till 6.30. i was in charged of one of the stations. to tell u the truth, although it is super hot and my skin was burning to the max ( i had prepare sum good precautions, sun block n shade), i had fun. super fun. great activity, awesome company.maybe because i dun have to face the kids in the class, which they dun even bother to learn sumting new. ok. maybe not all. bad teacher, i am. i know. but, i have to say, im very amused on how the male teachers can actually control the kids. yeah, they scolded the kids and treat them harshly, but, i can see that the kids adore them and tak amik hati langsung. seriously, if i am the student, i would cry because sumtimes, it is super harsh. then again, if it works, then, dats the reason y i cant control my students easily. i can, but i have to give 1000 more effort than the male teachers.

taught my kids about manners yesterday. solely about manners. 'thank you, and sorry, teacher.'

kecewa.

semalam saya menangis di dalam perpustakaan sekolah saya kerana kecewa dengan beberapa murid kelas belakang saya kerana tidak menghormati saya. walaupun saya tahu mereka telah dikategorikan sebagai murid yang tidak boleh diperbaiki sahsiah kerana rekod2 kejahatan seperti melubangkan kepala kawan sendiri dan membuli murid lain dengan memukul dan meminta wang , tetapi saya tetap berusaha untuk menarik minat mereka untuk belajar. tetapi, saya tidak boleh lagi bersabar semalam kerana mereka telah bercakap dengan nada yang tidak sopan dengan saya kerana tidak mahu membuat kerja yang diberikan kerana mereka tidak minat belajar kerana mak bapak mereka tidak kisah mereka tidak pandai.

saya rasa seperti saya bukan guru yang baik kerana perasaan untuk tidak melihat muka mereka sangat menebal sekarang.

motivation

Sometimes you just need a little Justin Timberlake in your school to get you moving.

single dan boleh mingle.

kadang2 rasa awkward sebab dingorat oleh students sendiri. aku rasa derang tak tahu pun apa yang mereka sedang lakukan, tetapi, kadang2 comel sbb derang budak kecik lagi. apa yang kau tahu tentang cinta, budak?

'teacher, saya dah tahu boyfriend teacher siapa'

'siapa?'

'haziq dr kelas 3 jaya tu'

'erk. mana kamu tahu ni? pandai je'

'dialah btgtau satu sekolah'

'korang ni, kecik2 lagi dah pandai'

memang haziq pernah menyatakan hasratnya melalui surat yang berakhir dengan 'i love u, teacher', tapi, aku ingat sbb dah nak hari guru. huhu. pelik. terlalu muda dah tahu nak ada pasangan sendiri. yang peliknya lagi, setiap kali aku bertembung dengan haziq di luar kelas, dia akan tersipu2 malu. aku yang rasa pelik. like, seriously?

tapi, kan, aku single. bolehlah mingle. tapi, dengan budak year 3. boleh?

huhu. deranglah penawar duka aku kat sekolah. kalau takde budak2 tu, mesti tertekan bekerja jadi guru nih. cumanya, kalau dah besar, dia ingat balik, mesti dia nak bunuh diri.

underneath all the hardwork.

my school choral speaking team.

good luck for the state level, next week.