kebisaan yang melampau.

we live in a bisa world.

yes, i know.

it is so bisa until to the extent yang bila kita tolong orang, kita yang kena. yes, thats what happened to me. i dun even want to help, but when i tolong, i yang kena.

am i a cnn? if im helping a fren whos is desperately crying that time and i even being nice to her saying " whatever u do, do it for urself. wish u all the best" n u called me being a cnn, then, go fuck urself.

i dun even care whats gona happen between u n him because thats ur problem. not mine, but, for god sake, he was crying. n i helped what i can n i dun go over what i shouldnt. i didnt force u to accept him. i respect ur decision. u mind ur own business, i mind my own business.

n what i wrote in facebook is general. if accidentally kena at ur situation, then, its not my fucking business. siapa makan cili terasalah pedasnya. if i intended to write the message to u, i would have write ur name because im so not afraid of telling people what i really believe in. n its my opinion. i have all the rights to do so and if u look back at the situation, its u who r the bitch. not me.

my mum once told me and i remember it until today.
" kalau kita buat salah, buat cara macam kita yang salah. jangan pusingkan keadaan macam orang lain juga bersalah"

dunia ni karma.
kau jangan ingat kau boleh hidup senang bila kau buat macam tu kat aku.
tunggu balasan aku.
tunggu karma tu datang dekat kau.
aku doakan.
sampai mati.

note: kalau aku jumpa kau depan muka aku, kau ready jerlah. pecah muka kau nanti.

' so? '

i jus duno why dat word is so 'angker' for me. i jus dun like it. whenever people said 'so' to me, i feel that the world suddenly stopped. its like, 'jadi, ko nak apa?' dat kinda feelings. i know especially when i dun have anyone now, as in im single, i tend to be more sensitive about being alone n feeling dat i only get myself to pour out everything. well, of course , u gt ur frens, family n all, but it is jus not the same. im not saying that i dun like to be alone or single. its good to be one right now n enjoying it.

im single, alive n cooking !

but when people said that word to me,
it just got me stopped n think.
hmm,
'maybe if i gt sum1 that i can rely on,
he wouldnt say those things to me. '

n people talk about commitment towards other people, like bf. im not sure whether i am afraid of commitment, or im tired of it, but im loving my life without it. maybe im just afraid that all my effort to give the commitment will be wasted like what happened before or maybe i jus dun want to give any right now. maybe later, or maybe when i found sum1 that i believe its not gone be wasted at.

u know, when u really want sumting,
there must be a way to get it.
it jus u, yang tak nak,
then the thing takkan berlaku.